I remember when I had hardly any self-confidence when it came to dating. I used to search every magazine I could for dating tips for men.
One dating tip for men that suddenly confounded me was the notice that you should "just be yourself." The writers of the dating tips for men would treat this as if it was such a simple concept, and yet I had no idea what it meant!
Be myself? I've been "being myself" all along, and it has not been working at all, I thought. On top of that, there were a lot of things I did not like about myself. Should I "be" those things too?
Here are six dating tips for men on what I think it means to be yourself:
Dating tip for men # 1: Do not be someone else.
If you want to be successful with women, you are not going to get there by acting like someone else who is. Everyone has they 'own own unique style and is successful for their own reasons. Trying to mimic will just make people think that you want to get somewhere. That said, there's nothing wrong with adopting other people's attitudes and habits that you think might work for you. Like trying on a new shirt, if you can "feel yourself" when you take on something new, then it melts into who you are.
Dating tip for men # 2: Hold yourself to a high standard. Should a 500 pound overweight guy who just sits around watching TV and complains about his life really "be himself?" I do not think so. If there is something that you can improve about yourself, then do it! This includes losing weight, making more money, taking time to reflect, and doing things even better next time.
Dating tip for men # 3: In order to be yourself, you have to get to know yourself.
Think about what makes you unique. These can be interests and hobbies, but they can also be little things. Are you good at telling jokes? Are you proud of your parallel parking skills? Small endearing quirks like these will make you stand out more amongst the rest. If you are not sure what your quirks are, ask a friend or family member.
Think about it: most people at bars ask questions like "what do you do" or "where are you from?" You're more interesting than that! Throw a little style into it. When you go out to meet people, do not exaggerate these quirks too much. Just be aware and proud of them. Let your friends tease you about them, tease your friends about their own quirks, and people will want to be part of your group.
Dating tip for men # 4: Know that you are always changing from moment to moment. One thing that I do not like about the notion of "being yourself," is that it assures that you are a static person. In reality, who you are this moment is different from who you are next moment. Rather than focusing on being yourself, focus on how you are feeling at the given moment, and what you can do to sustain or change those feelings.
Dating tip for men # 5: Know that you change over long periods of time. Who you are right now is different from who you will be next year and the year after that. Your interests, passions, and friends change through the course of your life. What will your Version 2.0 look like? You will not know that until until time arrives. So enjoy the moment that you are spending right now, and do not be married to any one single aspect of yourself.
Dating tip for men # 6: Where are you going in life?
You do not have to know the answer to this question. Simply asking yourself this question on a regular basis will improve your self-confidence over the long run. If you search for your life purpose every day and and become one with your passions, the opinions of others will not matter to you. What will matter to you instead is your life purpose. People will pick up on your drive, and will look to you for leadership. Then, you will feel like "yourself" everyday, automatically.