Having good personal communication skills is important because it will help you a lot in your life and career. By being a good communicator, you will be able to get your points across to other people in a mutually beneficial way. But how can we be a good communicator? What should we do to communicate better with others?
One thing I believe you should do is being an assertive communicator. By being an assertive communicator, you build mutual understanding with your partner. You do not try to manipulate him by being aggressive. Neither do you try to avoid conflicts by being passive. By being assertive, you are open about what you are thinking and feeling. But more importantly, being assertive means you try to understand first before asking to be understood. You try to see from the other person's point of view. Then, after understanding her point of view, you try to find a win-win solution that works for both of you.
Of course, being assertive is not easy. You must postpone speaking out what you want. You must take the time to listen first. But at the end, being assertive will give you the most long-term benefits. While being manipulative can only give you short-term benefits, being assertive can help you build trust with your partner that will be beneficial for years into the future.
To be an assertive communicator, first you should pay attention to how you communicate daily. Increase your awareness of your communication. Are you being manipulative through your words? Are you trying to avoid conflicts by hiding your true feeling? Are you trying to make your points without understanding the other party first? If you have these in your personal communication, then chance is you are not being assertive. But this awareness will help you change. After being aware of the situation, you can take the necessary actions to change it.
What you need to do is listening to what the other person is saying. Not just hearing what she says, but really listen to it. Try to understand her situation and why her points are important for her.
Next, try to find common ground between both of you. Since you already understand her position, it should be easy for you to find points of similarities between both of you. This common ground is your foundation to find a win-win solution that works. You can then propose the solution to her and see how she replies. Keep trying to find win-win solution and you will be a good communicator.